$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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