Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize