You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
