You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
