so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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