the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
