accomplished twins. life is a go
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
