There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
