I heard we made out
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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