I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the day after is always just damage control
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
