so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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