Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
