Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
