i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
