hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Watching her eat just hurts me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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