we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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