his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
