Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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