Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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