i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
