Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
