Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You can't just leave with hair like that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
