I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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