The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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