Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
