Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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