We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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