As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
