he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
