That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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