First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well you can't waste a boner
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
