I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
