life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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