I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
