God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
