On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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