I think my vagina is haunted
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
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