She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize