Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
