I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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