i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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