But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
