He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
