What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
try to milk me bitch
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