I just pynch a tree in the face
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
third nipple confirmed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
