I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
