is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize