Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
