gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
