someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize