I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
