dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
