thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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