Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
