I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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