Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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