I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
