Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
