I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I could have mohawked her pubes.
worst night to have a conscience
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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