I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Still dying that you shit outside
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
