So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
