I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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