I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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