The maid of honor just puked.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
