Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
