he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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