if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
