sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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